• The Year 2018: The Worst Films


    2018 was an ok year for film. We had our highs and lows like we do every year, but 2018 felt more like a second-tier year than anything else. Sure, there were the record breakers, but at the end of the day, there were more films that were just "meh" than any other year that I can remember. That being said, there were a bunch of stinkers in 2018 and this is my list for the worst of the worst.

    Before we get to the actual list, here are a few films that missed the cut:






    These films didn't make the list because they weren't as bad as the ten that did.

    Now on to the list proper:


    I was a Full Moon kid. Some were Toys ‘r Us kids, some were Disney kids. I was the kid that went to the video store all the time looking for the newest Full Moon film to watch over and over again. This is why I was excited about this newest Puppet Master film. I knew that it was just a one off and didn’t fall in with the other films in the series, but I was still pumped. Then I watched the film and I couldn’t have been more disappointed. The film is nothing more than a series of gruesome killings, which I would have been fine with if the characters were any good. I honestly didn’t care about anything that was happening on screen because the filmmakers were more concerned about the gore than telling a story. This film is nothing more than a demo reel. A well-done demo reel, but a demo reel nonetheless.


    There is nothing that I hate more than watching funny people try to be funny. Blockers is a film that is filled with a lot of talented people, who have been very funny in other, better films, who fail miserably at every turn. Joke after joke just falls flat and I just sat there in pure boredom. The best sight gag comedy can be played without the sound on, but even turning off the sound on this turd couldn’t make this dead zone of a film any better.



    Liam Neeson became an action star with the 2008 hit Taken. Who would have thought that ten years later he would still be making the same action film but with slight differences? The Commuter wants to be a Hitchcockian thriller, but it just doesn’t try hard enough. If ever there were a film that would prove that actors sometimes to films only for the paycheck, it would be The Commuter. There is nothing original here and you just want the film to end. In fact, I was able to figure out all of the twists in the film even before the train started moving. If you want to see Neeson in an action role watch the first two Taken films as well as the criminally underrated The A-Team.


    I kinda liked the first Tomb Raider film with Angelina Jolie. I thought the film captured the spirit of the game fairly well and was a good popcorn flick. I did not like the second film as I thought it really just wanted to be an Indiana Jones knock-off. This new Tomb Raider film is based on the more recent games in which Lara Croft looks more like a normal person and survival is the key, but that doesn’t make it a better film. In fact, this film is even worse than the second Angelina Jolie Tomb Raider film. Here, nothing really of note happens and when it does, everything is green-screened to death. Never once did I believe anything that was happening in the film, which is something no film wants. I just could never get into the film. I tried, though. I watched the film twice and both times I was bored out of my mind, wanting the film to just end. Tomb Raider is a bland mess of a film that has not one believable scene in its entire runtime.


    There are a lot of people who really liked 12 Strong. It has a great story and the actors are all giving it their all, but the film just fell flat for me. I believe that every soldier’s story should be told, but not all of them deserve big budget films to do so. 12 Strong is a film that has its heart in the right place, but can’t muster up much excitement. There have been so many better war films in the past and 12 Strong doesn’t even come close to being in their company. Stuff happens in this film, but it all just seems like noise and light. Nothing here is all that great.


    Teen Titans Go! To the Movies is the result of Batman and cocaine meeting up and deciding the make a film. This film is so bad that I wondered who in the hell would watch this crap. Apparently not too many people because the film did not do very well at the box office. I have had people tell me that it “stays faithful to the show it is based on”, but that means nothing to me. If the show is this dumb then I am glad that I have never watched it. To show my point I will tell you about the opening scene. There is a monster made of balloons that is stealing things from stores and banks in a city. The Teen Titans come to the rescue and puncture a hole in the balloon monster’s butt. Of course, air comes out that sounds like a fart. The heroes then stop and let the fart really sink in with the audience. This is a film that doesn’t pass on a fart joke. The air escaping the monster’s butt goes on for a long time while the heroes and the monster just stand there. After what seems like forever, one of the heroes says “Ugh. You farted” as if we the audience had no idea what was going on. Then the monster becomes embarrassed and tries to say that it was something else. This joke goes on for a long time and then just ends like the filmmakers knew the was dead. This is the first joke in the film. A fart joke should never be the first joke in your film, but if you are going to do that anyways, make sure that the joke is good and doesn’t point at itself and beg for laughs.


    I don’t really have much to say about this film other than I loved the practical effects, but everything else (the humor, the editing, the story) is a wash. I don’t think that I have seen another film this year that I didn’t laugh at more than Another Wolfcop.


    This should have been great. Giving your keys to a person you don’t know so that they can show your house to other people you don’t know is something that many people do in order to sell their house and it could have made for a scary horror film. What we got was nothing like what the trailer and plot description would lead us to believe. Nothing happens in this film. When I say nothing I mean nothing. This is a ninety-minute test pattern. Then, in the last ten minutes of the film, something kind of happens, but by then the audience has probably ducked out. This is a film that should have been really good, but the filmmakers were so happy with their concept that they forgot to make a horror film.


    Tremors and it first two sequels are great fun. I love monster movies and Tremors delivers on the things that fans of monster movies are looking for. The fourth film was ok, but it just couldn’t capture the magic the previous films had. Then Universal decided to make another Tremors film and that was one of the worst films I had seen that year. This new Tremors film is the bottom of the barrel. The filmmakers want us to believe that it is taking place Canada, but the snow looks an awful lot like sand color corrected to white. That is because the film was shot in Africa and that really is sand. That is just lazy filmmaking right there. Add to that we have Jamie Kennedy, who was introduced in the last film and is just a drain on this film. He is so annoying, and completely unfunny, that he brings down what is already a terrible film. Please, Universal, stop making these films. Kindergarten Cop 2 was a better film and that was pretty bad too.


    Oh. I really hate this film. This is another film that should have been great. Queen is one of the best rock bands of all time, who made some of the greatest music of all time, and they a saddled with this shitshow of a film. Two of the members of the band were a part of this production and it still turned out this badly? First off, Rami Malek is not good as Freddie Mercury. He doesn’t really look anything like Mercury and has no jawline so it just looks like he has buck teeth for the hell of it. The timeline is all wrong with We Will Rock You being written three years after it was released. The acting in the film, apart from Malek’s “I really want an Oscar” acting, is actually pretty good. It doesn’t save the film, but the other actors are really trying to bring these musicians to life. I really think that Malek brings this film down. He is just so bad and unconvincing as Freddie Mercury that I never once believed that he was Mercury. There are scenes in which Malek is supposed to be sad, tearing at our heartstrings, but I couldn’t help but laugh. You feel like there is someone, just off camera, holding some of those vapor crystals that make actors cry, waiting for “cut” to be called so that they can go running in to make Malek cry again. Bohemian Rhapsody is the worst film I saw in 2018 and could be one of the worst films of the decade. This is nothing more than Lifetime film that got a theatrical release.

    So there are. The films that I hated the most for the year 2018. Here's hoping that 2019 won't bring us so many stinkers. I have my doubts, but I like being proven wrong every once in a while.
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