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The Secret of the Sword

"I've got that flying horsey in my sight" He-Man & the Masters of the Universe was a massive hit toy line and a massive hit animated TV series. He-Man ruled the airwaves in the 80s and it would only make sense to not only make a feature length theatrical film but also a new spin-off series with a new character! The film follows Price Adam/He-Man as he embarks on the search for his twin sister. Turns out that a new villain by the name of Hordak had kidnapped He-Man's twin sister shortly after birth and taken here to another dimension on a planet called Etherea. No one knows what happened to the little girl, Adora. But, with this information and with a magical sword, He-Man is on his way to find Princess Adora.  What much can be said of "The Secret of the Sword", it's not necessarily a film for cinemas as there is nothing special enough about the movie for it to warrant a theatrical release, other than the length of the film. The animation remains the

Tales from the Crypt Presents: Bordello of Blood

There are many times, being a horror fan and critic, that I ask myself "why do I watch these movies?". This happens about once or twice a month. I ask this of myself because of movies like Bordello of Blood, a movie that thinks that by having gore and nudity it gets a pass. I'm sorry but I could not.

The movie stars Dennis Miller as a private investigator who is helping a woman find her brother. Her brother went to a whore house looking for some action, but picked the wrong one. This one is run by vampires and funded by a Christian evangelist who believes that he is doing God's work by running this bordello.

This plot could make for a good movie and it might have, but somewhere along the way the filmmakers forgot that gore and nudity a good movie they do not make. I am not saying that I don't like either of this in movies, in fact I look at them as a bonus, but when your movie's primary appeal is the above then you probably don't have a good movie.

There were a couple of things that I did like about the movie. I liked Dennis Miller, for example, because he brings some much needed humor to the movie. I say "much needed" because this movie wouldn't know funny if it sat on it's face. This movie is a funny dead zone whenever Miller isn't on screen.

Bordello of Blood could have been good if they had spent some time on the movie. Everything feels rushed and cheap. There is almost no humor in the movie that is actually funny and the performances are pretty bad. In the end, I wish that this movie had never been made because I want the time I invested into this movie back.


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