Top to Bottom: The Halloween Series (1978-2022)

I haven't done one of these in a while. I did a complete series rewatch of the HALLOWEEN series not too long ago and I decided to rank them. So, here is my ranking of the entire HALLOWEEN series, from Top to Bottom.

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995) I know, “How could you pick one of the worst films in the HALLOWEEN series?” Well, I am about to explain. This was the first HALLOWEEN film I saw. It is also one of the only films in the series to feel like the season in Illinois as it was actually shot in the fall. The film is also the last appearance of Dr. Loomis as Donald Pleasance died after filming wrapped. The film is a lot of fun. Sure, the Cult of Thorn is stupid but at least it trying to do something different with the series without hiding Myers in a sewer for most of the film. He is around through the whole thing which is something one of the actual worse films in the series.

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988) After being absent from the big screen for seven years, Michael Myers makes his triumphant return in THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS in a film that is surprisingly good. The film returns the series to it’s roots with Myers and Loomis facing off again. Sure, its weird that both characters are back despite the fact that they both died in HALLOWEEN II (1981). I like the look of the film and we are given our first outing of Jamie Lloyd, who would go on to become a series favorite.

Halloween (1978) Of course the first in the series had to in the Top 5. It is a motherfucking classic. Everything that we love about the series is setup in this film. We get Michael, Dr. Loomis, Laurie Strode, and the lore. The look and the feel of the film may not feel like the holiday but that’s ok because they shot the film on a low budget in a state where seasons don’t change. The film has that feel like it could actually happen and the town looks like the very town I grew up in in Illinois. The darkness of night when there are no street lights on your street. The way you can only see your neighbor’s house because they have their front porch light on. The film still creeps out to this day.

Halloween (2018) When this film was announced, I had many reservations. First, the film was being produced by Blumhouse, one of the worst things to happen to horror. It was also being written and directed by people who have never made a horror film before. Plus, the film was bringing Laurie Strode back. I am not a Strode fan and I felt that they already went down this road in the two worst films in the series. I was pleasantly surprised when the film was released on blu-ray a few months after it hit theaters in 2018. The film brought the series back to its roots after the terrible Rob Zombie films (well, the remake was pretty terrible.) The film was pretty scary and it has an amazing score from John Carpenter, Cody Carpenter, and Daniel Davis. It works in the film and when you listen to it without the film.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982) When I was coming into my own as a film fantic, I was watching a lot of horror films. When it came to the HALLOWEEN series, everyone told me to skip SEASON OF THE WITCH as it didn’t feature Myers. When I got the HALLOWEEN box set that Scream Factory released in 2014, I did a series watch from beginning to end. This was my first watching SEASON OF THE WITCH and I loved it. I love that it takes the season of Halloween in a totally different and new direction. I didn’t care that it didn’t feature Myers or Loomis as 1.) they died in the previous film and 2.) that story came to a very logic conclusion. I also loved that the film was scared to kill off a kid. 95% of horror films shy away from killing kids which kills any kind of tension, but HALLOWEEN III wasn’t afraid to kill a kid in what would be the film’s most iconic scene. In fact, at the end of the film, Tom Atkins gets all but one tv station to kill the broadcast that kills any kid wearing the masks from the evil company at the center of the film. This means that any kid watching the broadcast on that channel that didn’t kill the broadcast still dies. Because there were only three stations when the film was released, the broadcast could be on the most popular station, meaning that a lot of kids die after as the credits roll. That’s pretty ballsy for a horror film.

Halloween Kills (2021) Most fans hate HALLOWEEN KILLS but I love it. The film does something that I have always wanted to see in a slasher film: the whole town goes after Myers. Sure, they did that to a certain extent in THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS but this film makes it the focus of the whole film. The film has Myers killing his way through Haddenfield in what is the bloodiest HALLOWEEN to date. I didn’t like how the town was still affected by something that happened 40 years ago (a few towns over from where I live there was a mass murder at a clothing store. It affected the town when it happened but now, 20 years later, people remember it but aren’t affected by it. They didn’t catch the killer in that instance so you expect the town to be as scared as the people of Haddenfield but thet aren’t. At least in the HALLOWEEN series, Myers was captured so he wasn’t a threst for 40 years. In reality, the town would have moved on.) Still, a really fun and bloody film.

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989) Everyone likes to shit on THE REVENGE OF MICHAEL MYERS. They do. I get it. The film is not nearly as good as THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS which was released the year prior. This film reeks of being rushed to capitalize on the success of RETURN. Most people remember the character of Tina and how annoying she was. Sure, she is pretty damn annoying but it never really distracted me from what was going on in the film. I like the film. I think that it is a well done slasher film with some great scenes and an awesome chase at the end.

Halloween II (1981) I don’t really like HALLOWEEN II. It’s fine but it is a lesser film than others in the series. I don’t like any of the hospital stuff. It feels lazy and not very well thought out. I mean, the final girl of the previous film spends the majority of this film in bed. That’s not exciting. The stuff outside the hospital with Loomis and thee aftermath of the first film is much more exciting. I wish that the film had more about that and less about the hospital. I also don’t think that the film is all that well directed. Its fine but it is a pale imitation of what Carpenter did in the first film. HALLOWEEN II isn’t a bad film. It’s just half a bad film.

Halloween II (2009) After remaking the first HALLOWEEN film, Rob Zombie said that he was done with the series. However, The Weinstein Company told him that he could do whatever he wanted and he jumped at the chance to do a Micahel Myers film in his image. What we have is the most polarizing film in the entire series. The film isn’t a very good Michael Myers film. I do like that we get to see what Myers might be doing in the “off season” but all Zombie does is to turn Myers into a traveling hobo. There are some good kills in the film but they are all done with the camera shaking violently and we can barely tell what is going on. Also, the stuff with the white horse and the mother is just stupid. I like a lot of what Zombie was doing here but it isn’t a very good film.

Halloween (2007) I don’t like what Rob Zombie did with his remake of HALLOWEEN. We all figured that the film would be a more brutal take on the original film, and I guess that is true. The film is way more violent than the original and that is something that could have been good. Here it is not. Zombie gives us the Myers story told through the dirtiest lens ever used, showing us people who are not the people from the original film. Zombie’s HALLOWEEN feels more like a TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE film than a HALLOWEEN film. Oh and don’t get me started on his “director’s cut” which contains one of the worst and most pointless scenes in the series’ history.

Halloween Ends (2022) How the mighty have fallen. HALLOWEEN ENDS is the JASON GOES TO HELL of the HALLOWEEN series. The film jumps four years into the future and focuses on some douchebag we have never met before this film and Myers has a few cameo scenes before the worst final confrontation I have ever seen. The filmmakers said they had to change the film because of Covid but they didn’t have to kick Myers to the curb. The film is well made, I guess but it does have a killer score. That is really what got me through my viewing at the theater. Had the film’s score not worked, I probably would have walked out. How is Myers able to hide from an entire town while being within the town? He’s in the fucking sewer. They don’t look there? This town, which was somehow affected for 40 years by something that wasn’t all that big to begin with, not look EVERYWHERE for the killer who is still out there. This thing is an abomination and David Gordon Green, Danny McBride, and Jason Blum should all be ashamed of themselves for making the final film in the Myers / Strode saga into a whimper when it should have been a bang.

Halloween H20 (1998) I HATE HALLOWEEN H20. I hate this film with every fiber of my being. I find nothing in this film worth watching and the whole thing is a chore to get through. I don’t like the setting. I don’t like the actors. I don’t like the lazy kills. I don’t like the cheap reasoning to get the school to become empty. I don’t like anything about this film. I also hate how many people think this is a good film. It isn’t. Stop telling yourself otherwise.

Halloween: Resurrection (2002) Why? Why was this film made? I know why the film was made but why THIS film? Couldn’t they have come up with a better idea than “Let’s go to the Myers’ house with webcams and expect scary shit to happen?” This thing is terrible. At least with H20, they had an idea of what might be good. Here, there was no idea to begin with other than the lazy reality bullshit. Fuck this film and everyone who made it.  

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