Film Score: ZERO STARS
Released by Screen Media Films
Starring: Jim Caviezel and Claudia Karvan
Written by Everett De Roche
Directed by Jamie Blanks
Rated R (language, some disturbing violent images and brief sexual material)
Note: I know that this film is a remake of a film with the same name (the Weekend name, not the other, crappier name. I have not seen the original and that is why I don't talk about it this review. I do plan on seeing the original, but if it is anything like this turd then it will be a long time before I put myself through that again.
Nature’s Grave is an insufferable film. A film that does not
know how to entertain its audience. The film is advertised as a “when nature
attacks” film like Grizzly or Jaws, but it pales in comparison to any “when
nature attacks” film. There was a film that was released in the last five years
called Bear. The film was about a group of people who decided to take a “shortcut”
to get to a concert or something. On the way through the “shortcut”, the group
encounters a bear. For the next hour and twenty minutes the group is harassed
by this bear. Of course the group is dumb and plays into this dumbness by
provoking the bear. The bear jumps on top of the car and tries to smash it. The
bear kills one of the dummies and the rest cry and argue about it.
The story to this film is simple: A husband and wife decide
to go to a secluded beach in their native (at least for her) Australia to try
to mend their broken marriage. The wife doesn’t really want to go but decided
that her marriage is more important than anything else at this point in time.
The couple pack up the car and head to the beach.
Now, the first fifteen minutes is spent on the couple
driving to this beach. The scenes were shot at night and the light level is
low, so anytime there is a nighttime scene so expect to see nothing. Once the couple
gets to the beach things start happening. Not the good kind of happening like a
bear coming out of nowhere and attacking the couple. No, they have to deal with
some ants. The wife sprays the ants and that is it for the thrilling scene of
the death of the ants.
I forgot to tell you one of the weirdest scenes in the film.
The wife wakes up on their first morning at the camp to the sound of something
she has never heard before. She gets up and sees her husband during what looks
like chopping down a tree. He is swinging this axe away and we are left
thinking that he is chopping down this tree to make firewood. When she asks
what he is doing he responds “I am cutting down this tree.” She asks why and he
responds with “Because I can.” This, ladies and gentlemen, is our protagonist
for the rest of the film.
The rest of the film is little pieces that are supposed to
become a whole by the end of the film, but ultimately go nowhere. There is a sea
lion that washes up on the shore of the beach, dead. The couple go and look at
it (it looks like a stuffed animal) and wonder what happened. It is implied
that the couple has been throwing garbage into the ocean and this is to show
the couple that what they did was wrong. I thought it was kind of funny.
Later a sea cow
washes up on shore right after a scene where the husband throws a beer bottle
into the ocean. The nest day it appears that the dead sea lion has moved up the
beach towards land. The wife starts to freak out and wants to leave. The
husband tells her that there is nothing going on and there really isn’t.
I would tell you more about what happens in this film, but
that would make me relive this traumatic
experience again. I do not want to do that. It is a shame that
a film like can be made. How thought that this was a good idea. “A film where
nothing happens? Take all of my money.” It doesn’t help that the characters are
two of the most despicable characters I have seen in some time. There are
killers in slasher films that I root for more than this couple. There is a
scene early on where the husband aims his new spear gun at his unsuspecting
wife and pretends to put the trigger. A scene like this shows me what type of
film we are in for.
The film was directed by Jamie Blanks, who made the horrible
Urban Legend and
Valentine, so that shows how good of a director he is.
Nature’s
Grave was the last film he directed and that was back in 2008. He has since
made a name for himself as the editor of
Electric Boogaloo: The Wild, Untold
Story of Cannon Films. That film made my best of 2015 list and shows that he is
a better editor than a director.
The film has pacing problems, terrible acting , lifeless
direction, and almost zero animal attacks. For a film that advertises that the
film is a social commentary on pollution and then does nothing about it, we definitely
have a winner on our hands.
Nature’s Grave is a soulless, pointless, and just plain stupid film that expects the audience to go along with two of the worst
people to grace the screen since Freddy fought Jason. I was waiting around for
the entire film’s run time, waiting for something, anything to happen, and the
film failed. Oh did the film fail.
One more thing before I go: Look at the poster for the film at the beginning of this review. None of that happens in this film. If it did I wouldn't have been so mad. I would have been able to watch the two leads get eaten and that would have made the film so much more interesting and, ultimately, satisfying.
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