Released by Universal Pictures
Release Date: May 16th, 2016
Starring: Dolph Lundgren, Bill Bellamy, and Darla Taylor
Written by David H. Steinberg
Directed by Don Michael Paul
Rated PG-13 (some violence and suggestive material)
We all have fond memories of the original Kindergarten Cop, the lovely children’s film that opens with Arnold Schwarzenegger murdering a bunching of people in the name of justice. That is not really the part that we remember. We look fondly back at Schwarzenegger yelling “SHUT UP!” and “It’s not a tumor.” We love the film because of how absurd it is. This does not carry over to the 26 years late sequel Kindergarten Cop 2, which debuted on DVD and Netflix earlier this week.
I know that this is sounding familiar. It sounds like I just gave you the plot for the first Kindergarten Cop film, but just updated it to modern times. You would think that, as would I. But this is the sequel, not the original. The script probably took a day or two to write. The writers just had to do some word replacement in Microsoft Word and they had a “new” script. The film plays beat for beat with the original.
There is very little action here and what we do get is shot so horribly that I have to wonder why they included it in the first place. There is very little shaky cam in these scene, but the action is shot in close-ups, so we have no clue what is going on. We will see a bunch of images, hear a sound, and someone is on the floor. I have seen hidden videos that are shot better than any of the random movements this film tries to pass off as "action".
There is also the fat guy who is a brony and into, what appears to be, Game of Thrones, the kid who says that someone he knows has a vagina, and the dad who, may or may not, beat his kid.
Jimmy P is an avid film lover and tries to get out to the theater as much as possible. He is also a collector of DVDs and Blu-rays. Jimmy P lives with his wife in Parts Unknown.
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