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The Secret of the Sword

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"I've got that flying horsey in my sight" He-Man & the Masters of the Universe was a massive hit toy line and a massive hit animated TV series. He-Man ruled the airwaves in the 80s and it would only make sense to not only make a feature length theatrical film but also a new spin-off series with a new character! The film follows Price Adam/He-Man as he embarks on the search for his twin sister. Turns out that a new villain by the name of Hordak had kidnapped He-Man's twin sister shortly after birth and taken here to another dimension on a planet called Etherea. No one knows what happened to the little girl, Adora. But, with this information and with a magical sword, He-Man is on his way to find Princess Adora.  What much can be said of "The Secret of the Sword", it's not necessarily a film for cinemas as there is nothing special enough about the movie for it to warrant a theatrical release, other than the length of the film. The animation remains the

Ted 2

Dear Universal Studios,

My name is James and I am a huge fan of your work. You have been around for a long time and have been apart of some of the biggest and best movies of all time. In 2015 alone you gave us Jurassic World and Furious 7, both of which made you over three billion dollars. That is a lot of money to have at your fingertips and it saddens me that you used some of the money to make Ted 2. I know that the first Ted was a huge moneymaker for you and it was loved by many. I was not one of them.

The original Ted was an ok movie. There were a few laughs here and there, but the movie was too long to support the hair thin story and the boring characters. The movie had one joke that it played over and over again for two hours.

When I sat down to watch Ted 2, I didn't have much hope for it, but I decided to give it a chance anyway. The courts don't recognize Ted as a person so he decides to fight it with the help of his friend, his wife, and his lawyer. Throughout the movie I felt that something was missing. It didn't dawn on me until a little past the one hour mark what that something was: laughter. I had gone through the entire movie not laughing once. The sperm bank scene? Nothing. The search engine question that the movie played to death? Nothing. The Liam Neeson cameo? I didn't laugh there either. I just felt disappointment. Neeson deserves better than this.

Ted 2 is a dead zone of comedy. There are no laughs to be found and the movie chugs along to an ending that should have come half an hour earlier. The movie is not as bad as A Million Ways to Die in the West, which I thought was the worst movie of 2014, but that isn't saying anything. Ted 2 is not the worst movie of 2015, but it one of them.

Universal, I hope you get your act together for 2016 and stop releasing movies like Ted 2.

All the best,

Jimmy P


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