2016 was not the best year for films. There were a lot more disappointments, or straight out terrible, films than there were winners. For every Shin Godzilla, we would get Monsterland. For every Kubo and the Two Strings, we would get Sausage Party.
While I did find some real winners this year, the losers are what hurt the most. Some of these films I had big hopes for and some of them I watched just for the hell of it.
10.) Sausage Party
Sausage Party should be higher on the list but there were so many bad films to choose from that it kept getting pushed back on the list. Sausage Party is a film that is confusing. At times it wants to be a film that is a social commentary about religion and consumerism. Other times it wants to be a raunchy sex comedy. Just look at the poster. The film did get a few laughs out of me, but I was amazed by how foul this film was. I am not a prude and I swear like a sailor, but I was getting tired of the constant swearing. This film puts Wolf of Wall Street, Goodfellas, and Scarface to shame in the language department. Then there is the orgy at the end. If you ever want to see food having sex then this is you film. This film feels like it was made by a group of ten year olds who just found out all the curse words and also found a Kama Sutra.
In 2015, Dread Central put together an anthology film called Zombieworld. While a lot of the short films didn't work, the ones that did won me over. I hoped that Monsterland would be even better. Boy, was I wrong. Almost all of the shorts presented here are beyond bad, with one or two trying to hold the film together. And for a film called Monsterland, there is a surprising lack of monsters in any of the shorts. I know that these are low budget shorts, but that should never be an excuse. This film is a colossal waste of time.
8.) The Huntsman: Winter's War
As I have said before, in this very same place, some sequels do not need to be made. Winter's War is a film that tries to cash in on the popularity of both Snow White and the Huntsman and Frozen. The film fails at both very spectacularly. This film has no flow, no passion, no vision like the first film did. It doesn't help that the film is both a prequel AND a sequel. You watch the first part of the film, stop, watch the original film, stop, finish watching the rest of this film. You know your film is bad when not one of the main stars of the film looks like they want to be on that set, AND THERE'S FOUR OF THEM!!! If you want to watch four very talented actors not give a flying fuck, then watch Winter's War.
7.) Samurai Cop 2
The first Samurai Cop was a fluke. It was a film that was bad, but the actors made the film work. Now 25 years later, the same cast (mostly), along with some new players (Tommy Wiseau, Bai Ling, etc) are gathered to make a sequel to most underdog of underdog films. The problem is that they decided to make the film in the first place. The other problem is they tried to make it just as bad as the first one. The succeeded in making a bad film, but failed to capture the spirit of the original. This film is so bad that there is a section of the film that takes place in space. Yup, they went to space. The director, Gregory Hatanaka, should never be allowed anywhere near a camera again.
6.) Zoolander 2
More proof that sequels are not always the best thing. Zoolander 2 is a film without any laughs. There are plenty of scenes that have you scratching your head in bewilderment. I hated this so much that I wanted to travel to L.A., find out where Ben Stiller lives, and punch him in the face for making this piece of unholy hell. Note to filmmakers: If you film is a cult classic, DO NOT MAKE A SEQUEL. It didn't work for Samurai Cop 2, Dumb and Dumberer, and it didn't work for Zoolander 2.
5.) The Invitation
The Invitation is a film that has been hyped up during the past year, with everyone saying that it is one of the best horror films of the last five years. I haven't heard such a lie since Kevin Smith tried to convince us that "Red State" was a horror film. It wasn't and The Invitation is one of the worst films to come out in the last five years. The film moves at a snail's pace and you can tell what the twist is within the first twenty minutes. There is one twist at the very end that I didn't see coming, but its an ending that this film did not deserve.
4.) Get a Job
Get a Job has been sitting on the shelf for four years and thats where it should have stayed. The film wants to be funny, but can't pull it off. It is a shame too as Anna Kendrick and most of the cast have proven that they can handle their own in comedies. What really hurts the film, outside of a piss poor screenplay, is Miles Teller. He is a horrible actor and he is able to put that on full display here. I was hoping that something would happen to his character so that maybe the other characters could save the film, but I was not afforded that. Teller has no charisma and no chemistry with any of the characters. I never for one second, believed the chemistry between him and Anna Kendrick. Everyone, except for Teller deserve better than this film. Teller, for all I care, can stay in direct to video hell.
3.) Pee-Wee's Big Holiday
The return of Pee-Wee was supposed to be a good thing, but after watching this film, I can tell you that they should have kept the character hidden away. Pee-Wee used to be a fun loving character, but now he is nothing but a dick to almost everybody he meets. It doesn't help that the jokes aren't funny and the "road trip" idea was just wrong for this film. Had they kept to the spirit of the character then maybe the film would have worked. As is, its an embarrassment.
2.) Hard Target 2
There is no way to describe the horribleness of this film. I wanted to like this a lot. I am a fan of Scott Adkins and had hopes that this would be the film that people notice him in. It is a sequel to a film that was a minor hit at the box office and has been a stable of every home video format since VHS. Then the producers got Roel Reiné, who can make a film look good, but has no sense of pacing, or characters, or even what makes a good film. This man is behind some of the worst action films to come out in the last five years. If this film had a better director, I think that the film would have been a lot better. It is a shame that Reine keeps getting directing gigs.
1.) Lights Out
There hasn't been a film that has enraged me so much as Lights Out. The film has a novel idea that is a short film at best, is stretched to feature length in hopes that people will blindly watch it. People watched it and bought into everything that the filmmakers were hoping, but underneath everything is a film that is so inept that it barely crosses the finish line. There are no scares in this film to speak of and the director does nothing to build up any type of atmosphere. He expects you to like the film because the idea is nifty. Then the end hits and you realize that you just watched a film that sets some many ideas up and then does nothing with them. You can see the ghost with a black light and then harm her with a flashlight? We will do it twice to show you how awesome it is and then forget about it when the climax comes around. The mother has mental issues and needs help? Let her have a gun and see how well that turns out. I hated this film with all of my heart and soul. Lights Out is a soulless, dumb, boring film that should be seen by no one.
So that is it, I will have my favorites list up in the next week (there are a few films that I am trying to catch up on) and my favorite blu-ray list sometime soon as well.
Jimmy P is an avid film lover and tries to get out to the theater as much as possible. He is also a collector of DVDs and Blu-rays. Jimmy P lives with his wife in Parts Unknown.
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