Vampires Suck (Archival Review)


I have watched many spoofs in my time here on this earth. I have seen classics like Airplane! and Naked Gun. I have also seen the movies that don't even deserve the money that got them made. Movies like Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Disaster Movie are the reason that movie spoofs have gone down the drain.

The latest to join the second group is Vampires Suck. If you haven't guessed this is a spoof of the Twilight movies. I have not seen the Twilight movies so I had to rely on my wife, who is a huge fan, to give me the scoop on whether the spoof is really on the Twilight movies or did they throw in other things. She told me that, while they mess with the time line of events, it is an accurate spoof.

The question now is: is it any good? No. The guys who did all the dipshit "Blank Movie" are behind this one. You know these two guys who somehow are still riding on the coat tails of being "2 of the writers of Scary Movie". They have made a name for themselves by trying to be Zucker and Abrams, but they fail more miserably with every movie.

This movie isn't as bad as it could have been. I think this is because they are spoofing a series that is ripe for it. The Twilight movies have been an untapped source for spoofing. I am actually shocked that no one has tried before. That being said the jokes are of the typical PG-13 slapstick sort. Lots of people falling down or getting hit with things. There is a lot of one liners and fart jokes too.

Not all the jokes are bad. The Jacob character has to take off his shirt every ten minutes because his contract says so. Also there is a dance sequence with the werewolf guys to the tune of "Its Raining Men". These and a few other jokes got a chuckle out of me, but that's it.

After the bombing of Disaster Movie, a movie that called it's own fate in the title, you would think that these guys would be done, but Hollywood is a strange creature. They give the talented people the shaft and the dipshits who make movies like this a free pass. Vampires Suck isn't as bad as the directors' previous movies, but it ain't much of an improvement either.