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The Secret of the Sword

"I've got that flying horsey in my sight" He-Man & the Masters of the Universe was a massive hit toy line and a massive hit animated TV series. He-Man ruled the airwaves in the 80s and it would only make sense to not only make a feature length theatrical film but also a new spin-off series with a new character! The film follows Price Adam/He-Man as he embarks on the search for his twin sister. Turns out that a new villain by the name of Hordak had kidnapped He-Man's twin sister shortly after birth and taken here to another dimension on a planet called Etherea. No one knows what happened to the little girl, Adora. But, with this information and with a magical sword, He-Man is on his way to find Princess Adora.  What much can be said of "The Secret of the Sword", it's not necessarily a film for cinemas as there is nothing special enough about the movie for it to warrant a theatrical release, other than the length of the film. The animation remains the

Sorority Row (2009)

Remakes are becoming as common as horror movies are today. Everywhere you turn there is a remake of some movie being shoved down your throat. Sometimes you are aware of this (Halloween, Friday the 13th), but sometimes the public has no idea that the movie that they are watching is a remake.

The Story: Sorority Row tells the story of a group of sorority sisters who decide to play a prank on a cheating boyfriend by acting like one of the girls is dead. They take her and the cheating boyfriend to an old mine where they are going to dump the body. The boyfriend, not knowing that she is not dead, stabs her in the chest with a tire iron. He does this so that there will be not air in her lungs, therefore she can not float.

The girl actually dies and the sisters make a pact never to mention the events to anyone. On the day of graduation, the girls start getting messages about the girl's death. They come to the conclusion that there is a killer on the loose. Now they have to figure out who it is so they can stop him or her from going to the police.

The Skinny: I have not seen the original House of Sorority Row so I have no basis to tell you whether this is a faithful remake. I can tell how bad this movie is.

The movie makes a lot of mistakes. It makes the girls unlikeable. We don't care what happens to these girls. In fact, we would rather they die then have to sit around and hear them complain about everything. These girls are rich, stuck-up bitches that deserve what is coming to them.

Another thing that this movie does is make the killer obvious. I knew who the killer was twenty minutes into the movie. Even though the movie tries to make you think it is someone else, you know it can't be the people who are suspects because they mention that they are probably the killer way too many times. Doing this assures us that these people could not be the killer.

The final mistake this movie makes is that it shies away from the gore. The movie is R rated for, amongst other things, "strong bloody violence". There is not that mush blood in this movie. ThE camera, for the most part, cuts away from the bloodshed as it is about to happen. I came to see a slasher movie, not a highly stylized TV version of this movie. I want to see some fucking blood.
There are some things that the movie does do right. The movie looks great and there is a minor atmospheric tone that the movie tries to create, but for the most part this movie is a bust. If they had added some bloodshed to the movie then I would've been somewhat entertained. As it stands, this movie blows.


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